I have an elephant

I think we all do every now and then

I have an elephant. Some days she sits on my shoulders, weighing me down and making it hard to lift my head very high. On these days I find that I don’t look up very much, no matter how lovely my surroundings are. It’s easier to just stare at my feet and feel the weight, hoping that it’ll shift a bit tomorrow.

On other days she might be sitting on my chest, making everything feel very tight and uncomfortable. On these days I feel the weight on my heart, and it takes a bit more effort to breathe in and out. The weight is achey and makes me feel heavy, but I can still hold my head up and go about my day-to-day. It’s an internal heaviness that no-one sees, which I’m glad for, otherwise they might ask what’s wrong. But at the same time it probably hurts the most.

When my elephant first appeared she pinned me down and it felt like I was suffocating. After all, elephants are very heavy. It was hard to move, breathe, talk or think clearly. All I could see, feel and think about was my elephant, blocking out the rest of the world. But over time she started to shuffle a bit until I started to see some of the things around her, and then more and more as the days went on. I’m glad she doesn’t sit on me anymore, I didn’t like it very much.

The best days are when my elephant walks beside me. She is still there, and she might accidentally trip me up every now and then, but I can still go about my day-to-day without being weighed down. My elephant will probably always be there, but we are moving forward together.